Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness

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I live next door to a single woman with a five year child. She has been renting the house for about a year. We introduced each other when she first moved in. We work different schedules and rarely see each other. We will wave in passing is about it for socializing. She came over and asked if I could bring her trash can in because she was leaving town, I said no problem since I been doing it for a while. She said, oh that was you?

The day I brought her trash can in I noticed her SUV had really clouding headlights. I have products that I can use for that. Being a good neighbor I cleaned her headlights but the rest of the car looked like it hasn’t been cleaned in years. I’m the type of guy that can’t just clean one thing and leave the rest looking like crap. So I washed the car and did the dressing on all the black trim and tires. When she arrived home from her vacation she must of noticed her car right away and she came over to say thank you. I told her no problem. The next day she came over again and gave me a nice thank you card and a little cactus. She then mentioned that her landlord pays for lawn care but she has to take care of everything else. She doesn’t have any yard tools, etc. I told her she can borrow some of mine any time.

A few weeks later she comes over after she came home from work in a tight dress and asked again if she can borrow some yard tools. I said sure, do you want them right now? She says, no it’s too hot right now. I know what she was trying to do right away. I was born at night, but not last night. She wanted me to say, hey I will come over and do it for you. She gets home from work between 4-5pm. She has plenty of sunlight to do small stuff in her yard after work. The kid can play outside while she does it.

I’m a giver in life but I will not let other people take advantage of me. I ended a few long term relationships because of my partners took me for granted. I know some guys here will say I started it by cleaning her car. It’s my fault that she thinks I‘m a push over now. I think she got the message when I told her I will get the tools right now for you.
 
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Good job, you've got to draw the line somewhere. I'm pretty much the same personality as you, more than willing to help someone, expecting nothing in return, right up until the moment I feel that I am being taken advantage of, then I'm done. There are definitely those folks that feel they can get anything they want just by shaking what they've got.
 
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A few weeks later she comes over after she came home from work in a tight dress and asked again if she can borrow some yard tools. I said sure, do you want them right now? She says, no it’s too hot right now. I know what she was trying to do right away. I was born at night, but not last night. She wanted me to say, hey I will come over and do it for you. She gets home from work between 4-5pm. She has plenty of sunlight to do small stuff in her yard after work. The kid can play outside while she does it.
HUH? Where did you get that idea from? Did you ever think she may have had a hard day at work and was just too tired to do yard work right then?
 
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Maybe the evening she asked for the tools she was just tired from work. I wouldn't leap to conclusions just yet.
 

Finklejag

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HUH? Where did you get that idea from? Did you ever think she may have had a hard day at work and was just too tired to do yard work right then?
If she was tired from work, why take the time to go over to your neighbors house to ask to borrow something? She wanted me to see her in that dress and offer to do it for her like some beta males would do. She could’ve just texted me, but she personally came over. It’s been two weeks since then I she hasn’t ask again. She tried and struck out with me.
 
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If she was tired from work, why take the time to go over to your neighbors house to ask to borrow something? She wanted me to see her in that dress and offer to do it for her like some beta males would do. She could’ve just texted me, but she personally came over. It’s been two weeks since then I she hasn’t ask again. She tried and struck out with me.
Maybe she was all dressed up coming home from work and felt she looked more presentable then if she were to come over on the weekend without her makeup in tattered yardwork clothes. Maybe she is more comfortable asking in person instead of text. Who knows why, but assuming an ulterior motive like that is kind of stretching it unless this has happened before.
 
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I helped my rental neighbors once.. guy just trying to mow the yard and his borrowed lawnmower (was decrepit) wouldnt start
he pulled that for 20min..

I went over and tried to get it to start but it would crap out after a few putt putts.. even with starter spray. so I loaned him my mower.. just asked him to be careful near the gravel with it.

He did and returned it undamaged. and didnt ask to borrow it(2 weeks later).

I was happy. not a serial loaner.
Good deed went unpunished!
 
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I have my wife, children, some work colleagues, and a few good friends, and other than those people I keep my distance from most other people. Not because I'm broken or because I was hurt or because I'm a social oddball - it's for the exact opposite reason - I'm perfectly happy and content either on my own or with this small group. I don't need much. I like this small group of people because while they know they can ask me for help they also know where the line between reasonable and friendly and taking advantage of someone is and they respect it. I'll have a conversation with anyone at any time and out in public or at parties I'm very social and make way towards everyone eventually but that's as far as it goes until I see you at the next party/event.

A business mentor gave me great advice early in my career with respect to staff - be friendly - not friends. I extend this philosophy to everyone outside my circle, quite successfully, and I'm happy.
 

Bud

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Yep, people will take advantage of you. Many years ago I had a old edger stored away that I didn't use anymore. A fellow at work was saying he needed an edger but couldn't afford to buy one so I gave him my old one. Couple weeks later he was bragging about selling it at a yard sale. Cured me of tying to be a nice guy.
 
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