Clarification Of Corporate Lingo

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Location
Ky
Employer's Lingo Competitive Salary! We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. Join Our Fast-Paced Team! We have no time to train you. Casual Work Atmosphere! We dont pay you enough to expect that you dress up;well,a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. Must Be Deadline Oriented! You'll be six months behind schedule on you first day. Some Overtime Required! Some time each night and some time each weekend. Duties Will Vary! Anyone in the office can boss you around. Must Have An Eye For Detail! We have no quality control. Career-Minded! Female applicants must be childless(and remain that way). Apply In Person! If you're old,fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. No Phone Calls Please! We've filled the job;our call for resumes is just a legal formality. Seeking Candidates With A Wide Variety Of Experience! You'll need it to replace three people who just left. Problem-Solving Skills A Must! You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Requires Team Leadership Skills! You'lle have the responsibilities of a manager,without the pay or respect. Good Communication Skills! Management communicates,you listen,figure out what they want and do it. Employees Lingo I'm Extremely Adept At All Manner Of Office Communications! I've used Microsoft office. I'm Honest,Hard-Working And Dependable! I pilfer office supplies. My Pertinent Work Experience Includes! I hope you dont ask me about all the McJobs I've had. I Take Pride In My Work! I blame others for my mistakes. I'm Personable! I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers. I'm Extremely Professional! I carry a Day Timer. I'm Adaptable! I've changed jobs alot. I Am On The Go! I'm never at my desk. I'm Highly Motivated To Succeed! The minute I find a better job,I'm outta here.
 
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