Seems you were right on track with the correction.
Boy, oh boy...did I ever step out of line tonight.
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IMO, your sister has the problem, not you.
She needs to realize her little "precious" isnt the center of the universe and allow her child to realize that as well.
She needs to realize her little "precious" isnt the center of the universe and allow her child to realize that as well.
Patman
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I also think you did the right thing. I have a good friend who disciplines his own nephew when he steps out of line like that, and the mother fully supports her brother doing this.
Originally Posted By: javacontour
Not even mental illness is a valid excuse. If a parent knows their child has such an illness that prevents them from being polite in society, then instead of expecting society to simply put up with their ill-mannered child, they need to make sure that their child is not out causing problems.
How much of this so-called "mental illness" or "ADD" or whatever is simply a lack of parenting and a lack of parents taking responsibility? I really believe even the most "ADD" of children will eventually learn if the consequences become painful enough that it's too costly for them to continue their behavior.
So mental illness really is no excuse for rudeness. Even if the child was mentally ill, that's no excuse for the sister to try to tell the OP what his expectation for the child's behavior should be.
I really don't care if a child is mentally ill or not, telling an adult to shut up is unacceptable, period.
Originally Posted By: Barkleymut
The only thing everyone might be overlooking is the possibility that the child may have a mental illness. Usually parents will not say anything, even to close relatives about this. If this is the case then the parents have hopefully found that by ignoring this behavior it eventually goes away. If addressed it may get worse. Unfortunatly I know about this from experience and it is a very unpleasant place for the parents, not to mention the child.
Obviously, the probability is that your nephew is a spoiled brat and needs someone to jerk a knot in his tail. I am 37 and have zero recollection of any of my friends ever talking back to their parents. Growing up in a small town was nice because you knew everyone and they all knew your parents and you had better not step out of line. Now living in a large city it seems that kids feel they are entitled to express their worthless opinions as if they were valid.
Just my .02
I totally agree. All this "ADD" "ADHD" stuff is just excuses for poor parenting. And another excuse for the doctors to prescribe a drug to make another kid into a zombie.
Not even mental illness is a valid excuse. If a parent knows their child has such an illness that prevents them from being polite in society, then instead of expecting society to simply put up with their ill-mannered child, they need to make sure that their child is not out causing problems.
How much of this so-called "mental illness" or "ADD" or whatever is simply a lack of parenting and a lack of parents taking responsibility? I really believe even the most "ADD" of children will eventually learn if the consequences become painful enough that it's too costly for them to continue their behavior.
So mental illness really is no excuse for rudeness. Even if the child was mentally ill, that's no excuse for the sister to try to tell the OP what his expectation for the child's behavior should be.
I really don't care if a child is mentally ill or not, telling an adult to shut up is unacceptable, period.
Originally Posted By: Barkleymut
The only thing everyone might be overlooking is the possibility that the child may have a mental illness. Usually parents will not say anything, even to close relatives about this. If this is the case then the parents have hopefully found that by ignoring this behavior it eventually goes away. If addressed it may get worse. Unfortunatly I know about this from experience and it is a very unpleasant place for the parents, not to mention the child.
Obviously, the probability is that your nephew is a spoiled brat and needs someone to jerk a knot in his tail. I am 37 and have zero recollection of any of my friends ever talking back to their parents. Growing up in a small town was nice because you knew everyone and they all knew your parents and you had better not step out of line. Now living in a large city it seems that kids feel they are entitled to express their worthless opinions as if they were valid.
Just my .02
I totally agree. All this "ADD" "ADHD" stuff is just excuses for poor parenting. And another excuse for the doctors to prescribe a drug to make another kid into a zombie.
Originally Posted By: xxch4osxx
Originally Posted By: javacontour
Not even mental illness is a valid excuse. If a parent knows their child has such an illness that prevents them from being polite in society, then instead of expecting society to simply put up with their ill-mannered child, they need to make sure that their child is not out causing problems.
How much of this so-called "mental illness" or "ADD" or whatever is simply a lack of parenting and a lack of parents taking responsibility? I really believe even the most "ADD" of children will eventually learn if the consequences become painful enough that it's too costly for them to continue their behavior.
So mental illness really is no excuse for rudeness. Even if the child was mentally ill, that's no excuse for the sister to try to tell the OP what his expectation for the child's behavior should be.
I really don't care if a child is mentally ill or not, telling an adult to shut up is unacceptable, period.
Originally Posted By: Barkleymut
The only thing everyone might be overlooking is the possibility that the child may have a mental illness. Usually parents will not say anything, even to close relatives about this. If this is the case then the parents have hopefully found that by ignoring this behavior it eventually goes away. If addressed it may get worse. Unfortunatly I know about this from experience and it is a very unpleasant place for the parents, not to mention the child.
Obviously, the probability is that your nephew is a spoiled brat and needs someone to jerk a knot in his tail. I am 37 and have zero recollection of any of my friends ever talking back to their parents. Growing up in a small town was nice because you knew everyone and they all knew your parents and you had better not step out of line. Now living in a large city it seems that kids feel they are entitled to express their worthless opinions as if they were valid.
Just my .02
I totally agree. All this "ADD" "ADHD" stuff is just excuses for poor parenting. And another excuse for the doctors to prescribe a drug to make another kid into a zombie.
Not quite. I think doctors are too quick to say that a child has ADD/ADHD. But it DOES exist. I would know, I used to have it. Pretty bad. I was never a terror in public, but I had a very hard time in school, and if I didn't take my meds (Adderall) then it was really bad. It does exist, but people use it as a catchall.
P.S. I wasn't a zombie on Adderall- I was normal. Normal for other people.
Originally Posted By: javacontour
Not even mental illness is a valid excuse. If a parent knows their child has such an illness that prevents them from being polite in society, then instead of expecting society to simply put up with their ill-mannered child, they need to make sure that their child is not out causing problems.
How much of this so-called "mental illness" or "ADD" or whatever is simply a lack of parenting and a lack of parents taking responsibility? I really believe even the most "ADD" of children will eventually learn if the consequences become painful enough that it's too costly for them to continue their behavior.
So mental illness really is no excuse for rudeness. Even if the child was mentally ill, that's no excuse for the sister to try to tell the OP what his expectation for the child's behavior should be.
I really don't care if a child is mentally ill or not, telling an adult to shut up is unacceptable, period.
Originally Posted By: Barkleymut
The only thing everyone might be overlooking is the possibility that the child may have a mental illness. Usually parents will not say anything, even to close relatives about this. If this is the case then the parents have hopefully found that by ignoring this behavior it eventually goes away. If addressed it may get worse. Unfortunatly I know about this from experience and it is a very unpleasant place for the parents, not to mention the child.
Obviously, the probability is that your nephew is a spoiled brat and needs someone to jerk a knot in his tail. I am 37 and have zero recollection of any of my friends ever talking back to their parents. Growing up in a small town was nice because you knew everyone and they all knew your parents and you had better not step out of line. Now living in a large city it seems that kids feel they are entitled to express their worthless opinions as if they were valid.
Just my .02
I totally agree. All this "ADD" "ADHD" stuff is just excuses for poor parenting. And another excuse for the doctors to prescribe a drug to make another kid into a zombie.
Not quite. I think doctors are too quick to say that a child has ADD/ADHD. But it DOES exist. I would know, I used to have it. Pretty bad. I was never a terror in public, but I had a very hard time in school, and if I didn't take my meds (Adderall) then it was really bad. It does exist, but people use it as a catchall.
P.S. I wasn't a zombie on Adderall- I was normal. Normal for other people.
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Not quite. I think doctors are too quick to say that a child has ADD/ADHD. But it DOES exist.
What has occurred is that everyone needs a category to fall into. Even if you're not severe, you "have" something. What this can turn into is an excuse for all unacceptable behaviors. A child can be anti-authority, but since there's some ADDHD notation on their file, there's an excuse..
..it's also an excuse for a/the parent(s). They can throw in the towel and say, "there's nothing I/we can do. It's in the hands of his/her therapist.
"
Not quite. I think doctors are too quick to say that a child has ADD/ADHD. But it DOES exist.
What has occurred is that everyone needs a category to fall into. Even if you're not severe, you "have" something. What this can turn into is an excuse for all unacceptable behaviors. A child can be anti-authority, but since there's some ADDHD notation on their file, there's an excuse..
..it's also an excuse for a/the parent(s). They can throw in the towel and say, "there's nothing I/we can do. It's in the hands of his/her therapist.
It is strange the way this thread has gone. The OP used a moderate amount of correction and got the desired result. If that is an indication of what it takes to get decent behavior from the child, The child is suffering from poor parenting and doesn't need drugs or beating.
Originally Posted By: XS650
It is strange the way this thread has gone. The OP used a moderate amount of correction and got the desired result. If that is an indication of what it takes to get decent behavior from the child, The child is suffering from poor parenting and doesn't need drugs or beating.
Seriously. We're talking about one mild bad behavior incident from a 5 year old that possibly hasn't been disciplined enough. I don't know how that morphed into the child having ADHD and mental illness!
It is strange the way this thread has gone. The OP used a moderate amount of correction and got the desired result. If that is an indication of what it takes to get decent behavior from the child, The child is suffering from poor parenting and doesn't need drugs or beating.
Seriously. We're talking about one mild bad behavior incident from a 5 year old that possibly hasn't been disciplined enough. I don't know how that morphed into the child having ADHD and mental illness!
You should call you sister and say simply, "I think the word you're looking for is 'NO.'" And hang up the phone.
Ugh, I can sympathize. My niece just turned two and is a total brat. Screams when you take something she shouldn't have and is very demanding. I have two kids, 1 and 3, and both are much better behaved then her IMO. Her parents are the type that would 'never' use corporal punishment to change behavior but if there's ever a child that needs it, it's her.
Unlike you I haven't met my breaking point of physically correcting her behavior in front of them or anything, but I could see it happening when she is older, given the path she is on now.
Unlike you I haven't met my breaking point of physically correcting her behavior in front of them or anything, but I could see it happening when she is older, given the path she is on now.
yet another example of lousy parenting skills.there are more lousy parents, in the last 10-15 years, than good ones. if your kid is a rotten, disrespectful brat, then the parents are almost always at fault. i don't mean kids that have a LEGIT disability.
these animals run the households, and everyone's lives are miserable, as a result.
lousy parents always blame the teachers, "society", or invent a syndrome to get their doctor to drug said animals.they refuse to believe that they are, in fact, the problem.
i've seen incidents like this dozens of times over the years.to the OP -- you can smile knowing that the misery in that household will last until the animal moves out.the terrible two's, for lousy parents, lasts about 20 years -- and it looks good on them.
a suggestion -- copy some replies, and send them to the lousy parents. POSSIBLY, it might sink in that THEY are the problem. .you did NOTHING wrong.don't lose any sleep over stupidity of this nature.
these animals run the households, and everyone's lives are miserable, as a result.
lousy parents always blame the teachers, "society", or invent a syndrome to get their doctor to drug said animals.they refuse to believe that they are, in fact, the problem.
i've seen incidents like this dozens of times over the years.to the OP -- you can smile knowing that the misery in that household will last until the animal moves out.the terrible two's, for lousy parents, lasts about 20 years -- and it looks good on them.
a suggestion -- copy some replies, and send them to the lousy parents. POSSIBLY, it might sink in that THEY are the problem. .you did NOTHING wrong.don't lose any sleep over stupidity of this nature.
You did fine by the kid.
If your sister never talks to you again, maybe you hit the jackpot...just kidding on the last bit.
Had the guy next door threaten me with violence for yelling at his daughter once. Standing at our fence, kicking my dog in the nose, while her mother looked on giggling. I yelled at the kid, and they went inside.
He came around all dirty Harry with "it's up to me and my wife to discipline my kids". Told him what was going on, and he could start discipline any time soon, and he sulked off with "don't do it again".
Kid's (all 3) behaviour improved markedly, and the lady of the house was actually heard passing commentary on kids behaviour after that.
If your sister never talks to you again, maybe you hit the jackpot...just kidding on the last bit.
Had the guy next door threaten me with violence for yelling at his daughter once. Standing at our fence, kicking my dog in the nose, while her mother looked on giggling. I yelled at the kid, and they went inside.
He came around all dirty Harry with "it's up to me and my wife to discipline my kids". Told him what was going on, and he could start discipline any time soon, and he sulked off with "don't do it again".
Kid's (all 3) behaviour improved markedly, and the lady of the house was actually heard passing commentary on kids behaviour after that.
he had EVERY right, IMO - the kid was disturbing HIM too, and talking over him and WAVING hands in front of him to get attention, not only telling his own mom to "shut up"!
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Originally Posted By: silverrat
No one mentioned that it isn't his child and it isn't his business how the child is raised, nevermind putting your hands on him. You had no right.
In a word. WRONG
No one mentioned that it isn't his child and it isn't his business how the child is raised, nevermind putting your hands on him. You had no right.
In a word. WRONG
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Originally Posted By: silverrat
No one mentioned that it isn't his child and it isn't his business how the child is raised, nevermind putting your hands on him. You had no right.
You just did.
So you would define this as abuse?
Quote:
I reached out, took his hands, and put them down in his lap, and told him in a normal tone of voice to "hush".
I guess that "it takes a village" thing should only apply to people outside your family!!
Honestly if my kid was acting like this and my brother did the same, I would know my kid was out of bounds. How's that for a metric?
No one mentioned that it isn't his child and it isn't his business how the child is raised, nevermind putting your hands on him. You had no right.
You just did.
So you would define this as abuse?
Quote:
I reached out, took his hands, and put them down in his lap, and told him in a normal tone of voice to "hush".
I guess that "it takes a village" thing should only apply to people outside your family!!
Honestly if my kid was acting like this and my brother did the same, I would know my kid was out of bounds. How's that for a metric?
We have some friends that have a 9-year old son that acts the same way as your nephew. He's a very smart and bright kid and his parents always told him so; brainwashed him so to speak. So much so that the kid now thinks he defecates ice cream.
He acts the same way as your nephew and has absolutely no respect for anyone but himself.
I always feared (hoped??) that someone would give him a fat lip when he started school and interacting with other kids, but so far he's managed to avoid getting beat up.
I actually feel sorry for him. He's in for a rude awakening someday.
He acts the same way as your nephew and has absolutely no respect for anyone but himself.
I always feared (hoped??) that someone would give him a fat lip when he started school and interacting with other kids, but so far he's managed to avoid getting beat up.
I actually feel sorry for him. He's in for a rude awakening someday.
Originally Posted By: paulo57509
I actually feel sorry for him. He's in for a rude awakening someday.
That is the sad part about children like this...While the clueless parents THINK they are doing the loving thing by mollycoddling the unrulely brat they are actually setting them up for a really hard fall..That is why I consider this type of parenting "neglectful"
Not to mention that kids that run wild many times end up in prison, or injuring someone, which costs all of us.
If a firm non physical direction doesn't get the desired results for decent behavior then corporal punishment is the answer. Bottom line.
I actually feel sorry for him. He's in for a rude awakening someday.
That is the sad part about children like this...While the clueless parents THINK they are doing the loving thing by mollycoddling the unrulely brat they are actually setting them up for a really hard fall..That is why I consider this type of parenting "neglectful"
Not to mention that kids that run wild many times end up in prison, or injuring someone, which costs all of us.
If a firm non physical direction doesn't get the desired results for decent behavior then corporal punishment is the answer. Bottom line.
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Originally Posted By: silverrat
No one mentioned that it isn't his child and it isn't his business how the child is raised, nevermind putting your hands on him. You had no right.
If ANY of my children were acting like this and a friend or one of my sisters did what mrsilv04 did, I would THANK them.
Kids have no business behaving like this in front of adults. Children should be seen and not heard when adults are in conversation. And if they need to interject, they do so with EXCUSE ME, and it is done in a POLITE manner.
My kids are ALL wired for sound; VERY busy. But they get scolded, and have been scolded by both my one sister, and a good friend when they have stepped out of line in front of an adult. Neither my wife, nor myself took exception in either situation. It was perfectly justified.
No one mentioned that it isn't his child and it isn't his business how the child is raised, nevermind putting your hands on him. You had no right.
If ANY of my children were acting like this and a friend or one of my sisters did what mrsilv04 did, I would THANK them.
Kids have no business behaving like this in front of adults. Children should be seen and not heard when adults are in conversation. And if they need to interject, they do so with EXCUSE ME, and it is done in a POLITE manner.
My kids are ALL wired for sound; VERY busy. But they get scolded, and have been scolded by both my one sister, and a good friend when they have stepped out of line in front of an adult. Neither my wife, nor myself took exception in either situation. It was perfectly justified.
I think your Nephew as well as your sister stepped out of line not you. My kids were never allowed to behave like that. They like like I have suffered a couple smacks on the bottom and SURPISE, are still here to tell about it. And they don't seem to be any worse for it. In fact I could always take them anywhere and they were well behaved. Now at 12 and 16 I get nothing but compliments and have for years.
Remember this in a few years when she is complaining about the way her son is behaving!
Remember this in a few years when she is complaining about the way her son is behaving!
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