Do Americans/Canadians understand this?
WHO WE ARE: A column about Australia, by David Dale
The readers of this column have created an essential resource for every scholar of the Australian language. Last week I suggested that if our National Gemstone is the opal, our National Drink is cappuccino and our National Dish is Spaghetti Bolognese (now under challenge from Pad Thai), then we should try to declare a National Comparison, since we're a land that takes pride in its turn of phrase.
I asked for your proposals, and from the 60 dissertations you sent, I derived this glossary of useful comparisons for every occasion:
All over it like a seagull on a sick prawn.
All over the place like a wet dog on lino.
Better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick.
Busier than ... a one-armed taxi driver with crabs, a one-armed bill-poster in a stiff breeze, a one-armed bricklayer in Baghdad, a one-legged man in an #@$%!-kicking competition.
Colder than a mother-in-law's kiss, a well-digger's arse, a witch's tit.
Couldn't ... fight his way out of a wet paper bag, find a root in a brothel (with a fistful of fivers), organise a #@$%! in a curry house, organise a pissup in a brewery, pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Couldn't sell ... beer to a drover, icecream in #@$%!.
Dry as ... a dead dingo's donga, a pommy's bath towel.
Face like a dropped pie.
Finer than frog's hair.
Flat out like a lizard drinking.
Full as ... a butcher's pup, a fat lady's gumboot, a Catholic school.
Few snags short of a barbie.
Gone like last week's pay.
Happy as a dog with two tails.
(The winner's) harder to pick than a broken nose.
Head like a chewed Mintie.
If he fell into a barrel full of #@$%! he'd come up sucking his thumb.
(I'll be) off like ... a bucket of prawns in the sun, a salami in the sun.
Missed by a bee's ****
Pi~~ in my pocket but don't tell me it's raining.
Shoot through like a Bondi tram.
Silly as a bum full of Smarties.
Smiling like a mother-in-law in a divorce court.
So bucktoothed, she could eat a watermelon through a barbed wired fence.
So hungry ... I could eat the arsehole out of a dead dingo, I could eat the crotch out of a low flying duck.
Sticks to the road like #@$%! to a blanket.
Sweating like a fat chick in lycra.
Tight as a shark's arse.
Ugly as a hatful of arseholes.
Up and down like a bride's nightie.
Useless as ... #@$%! on a bull, a glass door on a dunny, a letterbox on a tombstone, a pork chop at a synagogue.
Vanished like a #@$%! in a fan factory.
Wonderful as they are, these images do seem to be stuck in a time warp. With the exception of the Baghdad bricklayer, they could all have been created before 1950. Every language needs to be serviced regularly, and we may be falling down on the job with ours. So now, instead of traditional expressions, I'm looking for original wordplay along the lines of "empty as a Corby boogie board bag", "pure as Justice Einfeld's driving record", "self-effacing as Eddie McGuire", "convincing as a Debnam promise", "competent as a NSW Cabinet Minister", etc.
If you'd care to exercise your imagination with linguistic refreshments suitable for the noughties, post your proposals below. And to discuss what should be our national song, go to WHO WE ARE.
David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). For further discussion of Australian attitudes and behaviour, go to the daily update of www.smh.com.au/tribalmind.
Posted by David Dale
February 25, 2007 11:13 AM
LATEST COMMENTSHow about "as boned as an Australian sitcom"
Or a more ironic "about as politically correct as a Lakemba mufti"
Posted by: cat at February 23, 2007 11:11 AM
In our household, the kids often use the phrase "I'm claiming a Howard" to escape trouble on certain issues. It means in plain English "no-one told me".
However, TM "He/she has a head like a half-sucked mango" is one that should be added to your list. This was definitely used in the 70s.
Posted by: Garry S at February 24, 2007 10:49 AM
John Howard is always talking about mateship - How about friends being... Closer that John Howard's nose is to George W's arse
Posted by: Tracker at February 24, 2007 1:47 PM
Or "as exclusive as the **** Cheney fan club".
Posted by: Cat at February 24, 2007 8:15 PM
ugly as a bucket full of foreskins
sweating like a paedophile in a playground
Posted by: tim at February 25, 2007 1:07 AM
Well i was a little surprised " dry as a nuns nasty" wasn't included. That's gold.
Ok here's mine...
about an excited person. As turned on as tim howard.
Posted by: kealan at February 25, 2007 2:39 AM
Probability - As much chance as the titanic with Mark Latham in the wheelhouse.
Effort - Working harder than a politicians expense account.
Misplaced goods - like looking for WMD's in Iraq
On a doubtful succession plan - he is the Prince Charles of the organisation.
Bad decisions - he would put his house on the Carlton/Rabbitoes premiership double
An unlucky chap - that bloke would be killed by a tsunami in the Simpson desert.
Going the extra mile in customer service - I got the full "qantas" service.
I could go on but I may wear out my welcome and be - as popular as a cross city tunnel.
Posted by: Andrew at February 25, 2007 3:11 AM
None of those are metaphors... didn't anybody take english when they were kids??? Those are all analogies.
Posted by: grammar at February 25, 2007 3:27 AM
Head like a blind cobbler's thumb
Posted by: Napps at February 25, 2007 4:39 AM
Too lazy to pull a greasy stick out of a dogs arse
Posted by: Steve of Brisbane at February 25, 2007 4:47 AM
"off like a brides nighty"
"cunning as a rat with a gold tooth"
"a grin like a carpet snake in a fowlhouse"
"goes like #@$%! off a shiny shovel"
"as busy as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs"
"seen better heads hanging over a trough"
"a falcon short in the carpark"
"been hit with the ugly stick"
"dry as a nun's"
"as mad as a frog in a sock"
"as full as a fat lady's sock"
"#@$%! like a racehorse"
"couldn't deliver a bottle of milk"
"useless as an ashtray on a motorbike"
"As camp as a row of tents"
"He Ski's on the other mountain"
"wouldn't trust him as far as i could spit out a rat"
"mad as a cut snake"
"as popular as a #@$%! in a phonebooth"
...Kenny
Posted by: Craig Brogan at February 25, 2007 6:31 AM
all over like #@$%! out of a shotgun.
as useless as an ashtray on a motorbike.
Posted by: hoova at February 25, 2007 7:02 AM
"run around like a headless chook"
"jumpin around like a maggot on a hot brick"
"couldn't knock a chook off a fence in a windy day"
"couldn't hit the side of a barn with a handful of gravel"
"couldn't drive a greased stick up a dogs bum with a frying pan"
"(any sport) played like a cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond"
"happy as a pig in #@$%!"
"high as a kite"
"had more hits than elvis"
"He's got a few kangaroo's loose in his top paddock"
...kenny
Posted by: Craig Brogan at February 25, 2007 7:14 AM
Not so politically correct but quite harmless:
As popular as a pork chop in a synagogue.
And,
As popular as a turd in a punchbowl.
Posted by: Tim at February 25, 2007 7:22 AM
for someone that is not liked ... "he's/she's an oxygen thief!"
WHO WE ARE: A column about Australia, by David Dale
The readers of this column have created an essential resource for every scholar of the Australian language. Last week I suggested that if our National Gemstone is the opal, our National Drink is cappuccino and our National Dish is Spaghetti Bolognese (now under challenge from Pad Thai), then we should try to declare a National Comparison, since we're a land that takes pride in its turn of phrase.
I asked for your proposals, and from the 60 dissertations you sent, I derived this glossary of useful comparisons for every occasion:
All over it like a seagull on a sick prawn.
All over the place like a wet dog on lino.
Better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick.
Busier than ... a one-armed taxi driver with crabs, a one-armed bill-poster in a stiff breeze, a one-armed bricklayer in Baghdad, a one-legged man in an #@$%!-kicking competition.
Colder than a mother-in-law's kiss, a well-digger's arse, a witch's tit.
Couldn't ... fight his way out of a wet paper bag, find a root in a brothel (with a fistful of fivers), organise a #@$%! in a curry house, organise a pissup in a brewery, pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Couldn't sell ... beer to a drover, icecream in #@$%!.
Dry as ... a dead dingo's donga, a pommy's bath towel.
Face like a dropped pie.
Finer than frog's hair.
Flat out like a lizard drinking.
Full as ... a butcher's pup, a fat lady's gumboot, a Catholic school.
Few snags short of a barbie.
Gone like last week's pay.
Happy as a dog with two tails.
(The winner's) harder to pick than a broken nose.
Head like a chewed Mintie.
If he fell into a barrel full of #@$%! he'd come up sucking his thumb.
(I'll be) off like ... a bucket of prawns in the sun, a salami in the sun.
Missed by a bee's ****
Pi~~ in my pocket but don't tell me it's raining.
Shoot through like a Bondi tram.
Silly as a bum full of Smarties.
Smiling like a mother-in-law in a divorce court.
So bucktoothed, she could eat a watermelon through a barbed wired fence.
So hungry ... I could eat the arsehole out of a dead dingo, I could eat the crotch out of a low flying duck.
Sticks to the road like #@$%! to a blanket.
Sweating like a fat chick in lycra.
Tight as a shark's arse.
Ugly as a hatful of arseholes.
Up and down like a bride's nightie.
Useless as ... #@$%! on a bull, a glass door on a dunny, a letterbox on a tombstone, a pork chop at a synagogue.
Vanished like a #@$%! in a fan factory.
Wonderful as they are, these images do seem to be stuck in a time warp. With the exception of the Baghdad bricklayer, they could all have been created before 1950. Every language needs to be serviced regularly, and we may be falling down on the job with ours. So now, instead of traditional expressions, I'm looking for original wordplay along the lines of "empty as a Corby boogie board bag", "pure as Justice Einfeld's driving record", "self-effacing as Eddie McGuire", "convincing as a Debnam promise", "competent as a NSW Cabinet Minister", etc.
If you'd care to exercise your imagination with linguistic refreshments suitable for the noughties, post your proposals below. And to discuss what should be our national song, go to WHO WE ARE.
David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). For further discussion of Australian attitudes and behaviour, go to the daily update of www.smh.com.au/tribalmind.
Posted by David Dale
February 25, 2007 11:13 AM
LATEST COMMENTSHow about "as boned as an Australian sitcom"
Or a more ironic "about as politically correct as a Lakemba mufti"
Posted by: cat at February 23, 2007 11:11 AM
In our household, the kids often use the phrase "I'm claiming a Howard" to escape trouble on certain issues. It means in plain English "no-one told me".
However, TM "He/she has a head like a half-sucked mango" is one that should be added to your list. This was definitely used in the 70s.
Posted by: Garry S at February 24, 2007 10:49 AM
John Howard is always talking about mateship - How about friends being... Closer that John Howard's nose is to George W's arse
Posted by: Tracker at February 24, 2007 1:47 PM
Or "as exclusive as the **** Cheney fan club".
Posted by: Cat at February 24, 2007 8:15 PM
ugly as a bucket full of foreskins
sweating like a paedophile in a playground
Posted by: tim at February 25, 2007 1:07 AM
Well i was a little surprised " dry as a nuns nasty" wasn't included. That's gold.
Ok here's mine...
about an excited person. As turned on as tim howard.
Posted by: kealan at February 25, 2007 2:39 AM
Probability - As much chance as the titanic with Mark Latham in the wheelhouse.
Effort - Working harder than a politicians expense account.
Misplaced goods - like looking for WMD's in Iraq
On a doubtful succession plan - he is the Prince Charles of the organisation.
Bad decisions - he would put his house on the Carlton/Rabbitoes premiership double
An unlucky chap - that bloke would be killed by a tsunami in the Simpson desert.
Going the extra mile in customer service - I got the full "qantas" service.
I could go on but I may wear out my welcome and be - as popular as a cross city tunnel.
Posted by: Andrew at February 25, 2007 3:11 AM
None of those are metaphors... didn't anybody take english when they were kids??? Those are all analogies.
Posted by: grammar at February 25, 2007 3:27 AM
Head like a blind cobbler's thumb
Posted by: Napps at February 25, 2007 4:39 AM
Too lazy to pull a greasy stick out of a dogs arse
Posted by: Steve of Brisbane at February 25, 2007 4:47 AM
"off like a brides nighty"
"cunning as a rat with a gold tooth"
"a grin like a carpet snake in a fowlhouse"
"goes like #@$%! off a shiny shovel"
"as busy as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs"
"seen better heads hanging over a trough"
"a falcon short in the carpark"
"been hit with the ugly stick"
"dry as a nun's"
"as mad as a frog in a sock"
"as full as a fat lady's sock"
"#@$%! like a racehorse"
"couldn't deliver a bottle of milk"
"useless as an ashtray on a motorbike"
"As camp as a row of tents"
"He Ski's on the other mountain"
"wouldn't trust him as far as i could spit out a rat"
"mad as a cut snake"
"as popular as a #@$%! in a phonebooth"
...Kenny
Posted by: Craig Brogan at February 25, 2007 6:31 AM
all over like #@$%! out of a shotgun.
as useless as an ashtray on a motorbike.
Posted by: hoova at February 25, 2007 7:02 AM
"run around like a headless chook"
"jumpin around like a maggot on a hot brick"
"couldn't knock a chook off a fence in a windy day"
"couldn't hit the side of a barn with a handful of gravel"
"couldn't drive a greased stick up a dogs bum with a frying pan"
"(any sport) played like a cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond"
"happy as a pig in #@$%!"
"high as a kite"
"had more hits than elvis"
"He's got a few kangaroo's loose in his top paddock"
...kenny
Posted by: Craig Brogan at February 25, 2007 7:14 AM
Not so politically correct but quite harmless:
As popular as a pork chop in a synagogue.
And,
As popular as a turd in a punchbowl.
Posted by: Tim at February 25, 2007 7:22 AM
for someone that is not liked ... "he's/she's an oxygen thief!"
