I know what you are saying. Trust me I do. I guess, I never give up HOPE, but yeah...........my statement needs qualifiers
No human is irretrievable! But they need to forgive themselves first.
Age to cut the kids off.
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No human is irretrievable! But they need to forgive themselves first.
The greatest gift a child can give a parent is to become self reliant and independent. The greatest gift a parent can give a child is to teach self reliance and independence.
Bam. Bingo.
My dad did exactly this when he found out my scheme: Live off parents until I had saved enough to buy a house!
Dating was difficult though. So no need for size 10 to erse.
My son and I are like a tow plane and a glider. After college when he had enough altitude he dropped the tether himself. Joined the military and did well. Still in the reserves and has a good job with a pharm company. Has three well-behaved young children of his own.
My advice is better to let them fly on their own.
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My advice is better to let them fly on their own.
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Don't do what my parents did. I went to college at 18. They took me off insurance (only way they could cut me off) and I didn't have insurance for all 4 years of college plus my first year at big boy job. Ended up needing a root canal but couldn't afford it to had it extracted. Just now got an implant for that
Ominous, a great word.
There has to be a line. We all have them.
Sometimes it is the only answer.
I’ve coined the phrase:
Bobbleheads with TikTok brain
These younger folks have an attention span of less than 10 seconds.
Some younger men don’t have time to work a job but they definitely have time for watching trash reality TV shows, watching multiple college / pro sports, XXX porn, various trash social media, Cartoon Network, YouTube, TikTok, multiplayer video games, following trash celebrities online, …. etc….
Very sad but true.
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About 20 years ago I had someone at my job tell me their stepson was 32 years old, unemployed, obese and living with grandparents spending all his free time surfing the internet. His mom was supporting him for everything. The guy was drinking a 2 liter bottle of Coke daily, had no desire to lose weight.
His mom was the only child and this lazy bum was the only grandchild.
His plan was to play the victim so the grandparents would give him their house / assets when they passed away. I don’t know what eventually happened but I told my coworker there was no way I would put with stepson’s foolishness.
It has mostly been covered more eloquently that i can manage, but to reiterate...
You absolutely must have agreement with your bride. you each must figure out what you can live with and where those boundaries are, hopefully y'all can find a medium.
I think there's a lot of things that can be mistaken for Lazy, overwhelmed and disinterested among them, is there any way for him to make a living at anything he enjoys? My brother for instance was a big gamer, he then wrote games, and now works for a large programming company... he's completely disinterested in anything else, including cars, guns ETC.
It didn't get this way overnight and is unlikely to get NOT this way overnight. Not to sound harsh either but one would assume your wife had this child when y'all met, they come together that should have been apparent.
There never truly off the books or cut off, there may be times even with successful children that they need help.
Just out of curiosity, if he cant drive, how does he get 3 hours away to Wilmington to this girlfriend and is she part of the problem or part of the solution...?
Best of luck, its a difficult and stressful situation i'm sure.
You absolutely must have agreement with your bride. you each must figure out what you can live with and where those boundaries are, hopefully y'all can find a medium.
I think there's a lot of things that can be mistaken for Lazy, overwhelmed and disinterested among them, is there any way for him to make a living at anything he enjoys? My brother for instance was a big gamer, he then wrote games, and now works for a large programming company... he's completely disinterested in anything else, including cars, guns ETC.
It didn't get this way overnight and is unlikely to get NOT this way overnight. Not to sound harsh either but one would assume your wife had this child when y'all met, they come together that should have been apparent.
There never truly off the books or cut off, there may be times even with successful children that they need help.
Just out of curiosity, if he cant drive, how does he get 3 hours away to Wilmington to this girlfriend and is she part of the problem or part of the solution...?
Best of luck, its a difficult and stressful situation i'm sure.
I swear, I've seen that effect in myself. Younger me could read for hours (ok this was before college), reading novels. Today I can't read for more than about 30 minutes. Youtube videos seem to be getting longer... but for some reason, I'll keep scrolling through their shorts, a 30 second blurb is "right sized".
I guess it's all about the endorphins. Effort and reward, the ratio is high on these short term things. Chasing and investing time and effort into the long term things... hard work pays off tomorrow, but procrastination pays off today.
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I've been trying to spend more time on LinkedIn, just in case I ever need to change jobs, but I'm not entirely sure it's a much better place than the other social media outlets. Just a different flavor.
I'm in a similar situation to the OP. My wife has two boys, one 24 this month and the other 27 in a couple more months. The oldest has a college degree, but doesn't have a steady job and did finally move out of our house and in with his father. The younger still lives with us, has a job but doesn't make a lot of money at it, has a bad legal record from stupid decisions from age 18 to 22, and seems to have no interest in growing and expanding his life. Finally, she and I have a son of our own who is 17. He has failed almost every class he's ever taken throughout his school career and is currently a junior in high school with only enough credits toward graduation to be counted as a freshman. Because of this he missed out on the opportunity for a free welding/fab education through public schools here starting this year.
My wife and I are both college educated and have good jobs. We were both raised by our parents the same, which is to work hard and to do a good job at your work. We've tried everything to motivate and encourage the boys to do well at school and in selecting a career. Still, all of these difficulties.....
So what I've learned the hard way is that your children will not necessarily be like you were at the same age. I think we all go into parenthood expecting our kids to be like ourselves. Sometimes it's not that way at all, and it's not for a lack of trying. Every human is different. And I also believe outside sources (internet, social media, smartphones) have absolutely destroyed our teenage youth in this country. They spend all their time watching others live their lives on a screen instead of concentrating on living their own. And they are being conditioned by things they see online that are NOT reality. The smartphone is the worst thing that has ever happened to our culture. But if you take a phone away from a teen they disown you. You have to pick your battles.
It's tough. I've worked my @$$ off for the last 25 years but I've never done ANYTHING as taxing as trying to raise my son.
To get back on topic, I would love to cut my stepson off right now. He's 24 and lazy. But my wife won't allow it I'm certain. And I can see right now that our 17 year old will have zero ability to support himself since he isn't going to even have a high school diploma on time. So I'm going to have very hard decisions to make in the next few years. Do I support them forever? Or do I cut my losses and pack my things and go?
My wife and I are both college educated and have good jobs. We were both raised by our parents the same, which is to work hard and to do a good job at your work. We've tried everything to motivate and encourage the boys to do well at school and in selecting a career. Still, all of these difficulties.....
So what I've learned the hard way is that your children will not necessarily be like you were at the same age. I think we all go into parenthood expecting our kids to be like ourselves. Sometimes it's not that way at all, and it's not for a lack of trying. Every human is different. And I also believe outside sources (internet, social media, smartphones) have absolutely destroyed our teenage youth in this country. They spend all their time watching others live their lives on a screen instead of concentrating on living their own. And they are being conditioned by things they see online that are NOT reality. The smartphone is the worst thing that has ever happened to our culture. But if you take a phone away from a teen they disown you. You have to pick your battles.
It's tough. I've worked my @$$ off for the last 25 years but I've never done ANYTHING as taxing as trying to raise my son.
To get back on topic, I would love to cut my stepson off right now. He's 24 and lazy. But my wife won't allow it I'm certain. And I can see right now that our 17 year old will have zero ability to support himself since he isn't going to even have a high school diploma on time. So I'm going to have very hard decisions to make in the next few years. Do I support them forever? Or do I cut my losses and pack my things and go?
Yes, 30 second blurb is similar to a very small amount of Crack Smoke to a person’s brain.
Younger folks get addicted and there’s no turning back.
We had to fire some younger employees due to low productivity and TikTok Brain, no joke.
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Three of my kids left home after college. My youngest son is now 25 years old and still lives at home and I’m perfectly fine with it. He is an OTR flatbed truck driver who hauls heavy equipment and is lucky to be home three days a month. He makes good money and saves a lot of it as he is too busy to spend it. It would be stupid for him to rent or buy right now and never be there. It works for both of us.
The YouTube Shorts/TikTok videos really are bad. I've caught myself scrolling through them for entirely too long and feeling legitimately dumber afterwards.
I would love to see a study on the long-term mental effects of those videos.
I was an OTR flatbed driver for a while and did the same thing; made no sense to buy a place and never be there. I ended up leaving that career and decided to go to college and now I'm at home as my current job makes just enough to cover my expenses. Once I finish school and get a job in my intended career field, I fully plan on purchasing my own home.
My family has been largely sucessful. That goes for my parents, siblings and now our and their adult children.
Nothing will change my mind about what I am going to say except to say, I can accept that in life sometimes there are exceptions, though none in any of my family tree.
Starting with my parents which of course the same way my siblings were treated and has gone down the family tree to our successful children, mine and my siblings.
1. You turn 18 years old, graduate high school and are given two choices.
A. Get a full time job and start paying room and board to keep living in the house
B. Go to college and be supported every step of the way until you graduate. Then back to A - get a job, move out or if staying in the home pay room and board.
I cant agree more with the above and thankful for my loving parents who supported us in every way possible to become adults and stand on our own two feet. I am adamant about it and dont understand all the fluffy stuff I hear from others.
You're 18 years old and an adult go act like one. I did my job, my parents did their job, Im not here to take care of adults who used to be children. To some this might sound cold but I assure them, reading these words are the rules.
Just for the record, all of us are a pretty tight knit family. Actually my youngest daughter, last one out of college a number of years now doing very well and thanked us for not spoiling her like some of her friends were in her wealthy High School, she is quite proud of her achievements. It's called self-esteem.
Nothing will change my mind about what I am going to say except to say, I can accept that in life sometimes there are exceptions, though none in any of my family tree.
Starting with my parents which of course the same way my siblings were treated and has gone down the family tree to our successful children, mine and my siblings.
1. You turn 18 years old, graduate high school and are given two choices.
A. Get a full time job and start paying room and board to keep living in the house
B. Go to college and be supported every step of the way until you graduate. Then back to A - get a job, move out or if staying in the home pay room and board.
I cant agree more with the above and thankful for my loving parents who supported us in every way possible to become adults and stand on our own two feet. I am adamant about it and dont understand all the fluffy stuff I hear from others.
You're 18 years old and an adult go act like one. I did my job, my parents did their job, Im not here to take care of adults who used to be children. To some this might sound cold but I assure them, reading these words are the rules.
Just for the record, all of us are a pretty tight knit family. Actually my youngest daughter, last one out of college a number of years now doing very well and thanked us for not spoiling her like some of her friends were in her wealthy High School, she is quite proud of her achievements. It's called self-esteem.
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My wife's aunt was legally blind and worked for the government making a ton of money righting contracts.
An eye disorder is a pretty sorry excuse.
I would try and explain to the young fellow that as a man, if he doesn’t change his attitude towards work, he will face a lifetime of hardship especially once his mommy is gone. And women will treat him as dirt as well, because they all want a provider.
Girls are a whole different story for the most part, because despite claiming they’re boss babes and independent, they still want, and a lot of them will find a man that will support them.
Other than that there is not much that can be done at his age of 24. The time for parenting is long gone IMO.
Girls are a whole different story for the most part, because despite claiming they’re boss babes and independent, they still want, and a lot of them will find a man that will support them.
Other than that there is not much that can be done at his age of 24. The time for parenting is long gone IMO.
I'm not so sure I agree with that. I have degrees in Engineering and Medicine and both of those studies are a full time job. I wouldn't have had more than a few hours of free time most days and there must be time for socializing too. It's part of growing up. I had summer jobs starting within a few days of my classes ending and generally took 3 - 5 days off in the fall before resuming classes.
Did it pay off? I was awarded honors with both my undergraduate degrees and won (earned actually) large scholarships and had more options in my career than most people.
Taking hard courses at university is harder than working. It's an enjoyable time of life for sure, but also hard work.
We're helping both of our adult daughters (ages 29 and 21) right now because they both decided to go back to university. They made this decision after my wife and I both retired.
Our older daughter burnt out as an RN, so is going back to earn a second degree in kinesiology. Our younger daughter is returning to become a teacher, after dropping out the first time.
We're assisting both of them financially, although they are taking care of most of their finances themselves. It's a bit inconvenient for us, since we're living on a retirement income. But our kids are doing their best to find their career paths and get ahead, and we want to help.
Our older daughter burnt out as an RN, so is going back to earn a second degree in kinesiology. Our younger daughter is returning to become a teacher, after dropping out the first time.
We're assisting both of them financially, although they are taking care of most of their finances themselves. It's a bit inconvenient for us, since we're living on a retirement income. But our kids are doing their best to find their career paths and get ahead, and we want to help.
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