Age to cut the kids off.

[burbguy82]

Just wondering yalls thoughts on this.

At what age do you cut the kids off? What age should you draw the line with supporting your kids. Assume normal kid, normal for these days, meaning lazy, and can not turn a key without watching a youtube video.

Am I wrong for drawing a line in the sand, and deep hard line, reinforced with hellspawn demon hounds and everything else that bites.......................................................at 24?

Big problem, big problem, huge repercussions one way or the other. Serious answers only please.

 

[spasm3]

Depends on what you mean by cut off? Do you mean financially? Living accommodations? School or education? Helping them with home repair inprovement? Work or leadership advice?

So many factors that would affect this, that would be different from household to house hold. No way to have a clear line in the sand that applies solely by age.

 

[alcyon]

You are lucky you are not asian, other wise you would be supporting the kids for life....

 

[doitmyself]

Oh man, this will be interesting. Unless there are serious extenuating circumstances, I would say that you failed as a parent if you truly have a free loading young adult living with you. You really need to explain the circumstances beyond "lazy".

 

[doitmyself]

You are lucky you are not asian, other wise you would be supporting the kids for life....

Families members should support one another for life. In a responsible way, of course.

 

[SC Maintenance]

There is a big difference between a 24 YO in med-school, and a 24 YO living in your basement.

@Dave Hess is correct, too many variables to draw a hard line.

I will continue to help my kids till the day I die, assuming there also helping themselves. If they were slouches they would have gotten the boot at 18.

 

[wwillson]

When they were done with college, they were invited to be the architect of their own life. Don't move back home, get a job, and make your own successes and some failures. They all did just that.

 

[Propflux01]

If it is the basic "get off your tuff, get a job, (assuming not in school/vo-tec)and quit relying on us to provide for you" then 24 is about 2 years later than generous. This is assuming the kid went to college at 18 and got a 4 year degree. If he didnt go to school then shoulda got rid of his living arrangements no later than 21 (and that being 3 years generous). Mom needs to support that decision as well. Deadbeat kids need to provide for themselves just like we did.

 

[burbguy82]

So to expound.

Wife had two kids previous, this was 20 years ago. Daughter is good, son is one of those who expects something for nothing, entitled, thinks they are smarter than everyone else, thinks the world owes them.

By in large, I have had no sway, and warned the wife about this years ago, but now it is getting a bit too much.

My fault I am sure.

Quit university.

He does have an eye disorder that does not allow him to drive, same as my wife, but excuse after excuse after excuse, and it is starting to cost.

Edit:

Spent two years nearly at APP state, doing nothing, no job, living off PELL. "Ill get a job working from home". Oh wait, we dont have enough internet. Sure can sit and play on a computer all day, but work from home, not without high speed internet.......

now want to half stay with his girlfirend in Wilmington, 3 hours away, and expects travel twice a month back here.

Major incompatibility.

Has wife and my daugter feeling sorry for him, but my sympathy is between #$&% and syphillus. = me being a bad person, etc

@wwillson thanks for the info in the cat6.......you get the question now.

 

[spasm3]

So to expound.

Wife had two kids previous, this was 20 years ago. Daughter is good, son is one of those who expects something for nothing, entitled, thinks they are smarter than everyone else, thinks the world owes them.

By in large, I have had no sway, and warned the wife about this years ago, but now it is getting a bit too much.

My fault I am sure.

Quit university.

He does have an eye disorder that does not allow him to drive, same as my wife, but excuse after excuse after excuse, and it is starting to cost.

You and your wife have to have a conversation and be a unified front. Otherwise this situation will fester. If she is not in agreement with you, and its not your biological child you are in a mess.

 

[burbguy82]

you are in a mess.

yep.....

edited this post, go back and read.

 

[wwillson]

He does have an eye disorder that does not allow him to drive, same as my wife, but excuse after excuse after excuse, and it is starting to cost.

My nephew has an eye disorder that limits his ability to drive. It didn't stop him from getting an education and good job. Nobody made any excuses for him. I'm sure it wasn't always easy to be him, but he did it.

I work with a guy that has been a paraplegic since a motorcycle accident 30 years ago. He got an education, has a great job, and hunts alligators in the Florida swamps at night by himself. Again, zero excuses. He says he doesn't have a handicap, tell him he can't do something and he'll prove you wrong. He has an incredibly good attitude.

 

[burbguy82]

My nephew has an eye disorder that limits his ability to drive. It didn't stop him from getting an education and good job. Nobody made any excuses for him. I'm sure it wasn't always easy to be him, but he did it.

I work with a guy that has been a paraplegic since a motorcycle accident 30 years ago. He got an education, has a great job, and hunts alligators in the Florida swamps at night by himself. Again, zero excuses.

That is how I see it.

 

[spasm3]

yep.....

edited this post, go back and read.

I see. This has to come from you and her together. A deep discussion about how to make him independant. How will he take care of himself when we are gone, how to we set him up to be strong and independent, make decisions when you both are gone. Without both of you together in complete agreement , and stone firm in your course of action, this will not happen.

 

[wander2039]

You are lucky you are not asian, other wise you would be supporting the kids for life....

In my wifes family once the kids were old enough to make enough money they took care of the parents. Pathetic IMO.. not that they can’t work just too lazy. My wife is the polar opposite thankfully.

 

[wavinwayne]

You are lucky you are not asian, other wise you would be supporting the kids for life....

Today I learned I'm asian. In all seriousness, both of mine are in college (locally) and want to be on their own asap.

 

[JoeDirt41]

As someone who is in their 20s and lives with parents (albeit a different situation) here's my take. My parents were fine with me living at home, so long as I was working full time or in school full time and getting good grades (currently doing both). Apart from a physical roof over my head, I support myself- cars, gas, insurance, phone, food, clothes, etc. are on me and I'm expected to work around the house. No one cooks or cleans for me, I cut the grass and do the yard work, maintain everyone's cars, do my own laundry and dishes, and my own grocery shopping.

Everyone has a different idea of "normal", but for me, I wouldn't feel comfortable being at home if I wasn't supporting myself otherwise.

Housing is incredibly expensive these days and it's not easy to afford a decent living space on your own as a single person. I could waste money on a dorm that's not as nice as living at home, or split an apartment with some roommates and have to share a place that's not as nice as home with strangers. I'd rather wait until I'm finished with school to buy my own house.

 

[SC Maintenance]

As someone who is in their 20s and lives with parents (albeit a different situation) here's my take. My parents were fine with me living at home, so long as I was working full time or in school full time and getting good grades (currently doing both). Apart from a physical roof over my head, I support myself- cars, gas, insurance, phone, food, clothes, etc. are on me and I'm expected to work around the house. No one cooks or cleans for me, I cut the grass and do the yard work, maintain everyone's cars, do my own laundry and dishes, and my own grocery shopping.

Everyone has a different idea of "normal", but for me, I wouldn't feel comfortable being at home if I wasn't supporting myself otherwise.

Housing is incredibly expensive these days and it's not easy to afford a decent living space on your own as a single person. I could waste money on a dorm that's not as nice as living at home, or split an apartment with some roommates and have to share a place that's not as nice as home with strangers. I'd rather wait until I'm finished with school to buy my own house.

This is normal in many other countries. Paying for multiple residences is non-productive expenses at the end of the day. In many cultures its not unusual to have multiple generations under one roof. As long as everyone is pulling their own weight, whats not to like.

 

[burbguy82]

I would say that you failed as a parent if you truly have a free loading young adult living with you.

Thanks for your candor. I see this reply as being harsh, but true, and I appreciate that very much.

Without both of you together in complete agreement , and stone firm in your course of action, this will not happen.

100% agree

so long as I was working full time or in school full time

You are a credit to your generation, good for you. Our country need more like you.

 

[burbguy82]

As long as everyone is pulling their own weight, whats not to like.

Agreed.

That is what i said, pull your weight.

I mean I already pay for a house and the rooms and such, no skin off my back for someone to occupy the room. The heating bill is the same whether the room is empty or not.

But earn it.