A Pirate

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible". "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine" "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now". "Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really". "What about that eye patch?" "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them do-doed in my eye". "You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird doo-doo?" "It was my first day with the hook"