36 year old sister passed away - possible drug OD

Status
Not open for further replies.
Another sad story of someone moving to LA and dying, but you just never know maybe she wouldve died sooner if she stayed in houston. I moved out of houston years ago and Im glad I did(I lived near one of the lyondel plants actually). Too much crime, illegals, pollution, traffic and taxes. Sorry for your loss.
 
My family and I appreciate all of your words of encouragement, prayers and support. It is clear that many of you have suffered a similar loss and all of you in my prayers as well. Papa Bear, I am a friend of Bill W too. I attained 18 years of sobriety on July 11th this year. Twenty years ago I was almost certain that my sister would be eulogizing me, but I was able to turn my life around. I have to believe that God, or whomever your higher power is, has a plan for each one of us.

I never would have imagined that I would outlive my sister though. She was the popular one, the social butterfly and a beautiful person with a great sense of humor. She was runner up in the contest for Homecoming queen and graduated with a four year college degree. I on the other hand am an introvert, served in the USAF and have 120 semester hours of college, but never bothered to complete my degree. I dabbled in things that I shouldn't have, but cleaned up my act before getting married and have been blessed with two remarkable kids.

The night my stepmother found out about my sister's passing, I kept telling her to take things one second at a time. That's what I had to do when I first gave up alcohol, mainly because trying to take things one day at a time seemed far to difficult those first few weeks without my beloved Jack Daniels. I tried to explain the significance, but my stepmother was too far gone to comprehend so I listened and tried my best to be supportive. It was the best that I could do given her state of mind. My wife was able to connect with my stepmother to some degree, so I thank God that she was there to help.

As of this evening, we are still in a holding pattern waiting for the coroner in L.A. to release my sister's remains. My 13 year old daughter helped me to look up my sister's page on Myspace.com, which allowed me to locate a few of her friends here in Houston that I had not talked to in many years. One of my sister's first boyfriends became a Houston Police Officer about 12-15 years ago and has been able to help my family obtain information that would have been difficult to come by without his help.

Other than that, I decided to go to work today. Keeping busy is my standard operating procedure for dealing with tragedy. I am trying to decide if I want to say something at the funeral service, but don't know if I will be able to do so without breaking down. This may do more harm than good, as I don't want to make everyone lose it as well. This is new territory for me.

Sorry for the rambling post. Thanks again for taking the time to read this. God Bless

Here is a link to my sister's Myspace page (Some of the content is risque, but there is no nudity):

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=52078769
 
Sorry to hear your lost. Stay strong and spend as much time as you can with stepmom. Don't be hard on yourself or herself, seems like you guys were already doing what you could.
 
Quote:
I am trying to decide if I want to say something at the funeral service, but don't know if I will be able to do so without breaking down. This may do more harm than good, as I don't want to make everyone lose it as well. This is new territory for me.


If you get the chance, do it. Don't worry about your emotional state. Certainly don't worry about what anyone thinks. Funerals are for expressing your grief and getting the worst of it over with, so take full advantage. You'll feel much better for it.
 
She and the family know that you love her so dont feel guilty if you dont do it.
wink.gif
 
Originally Posted By: Matt_S
Quote:
I am trying to decide if I want to say something at the funeral service, but don't know if I will be able to do so without breaking down. This may do more harm than good, as I don't want to make everyone lose it as well. This is new territory for me.


If you get the chance, do it. Don't worry about your emotional state. Certainly don't worry about what anyone thinks. Funerals are for expressing your grief and getting the worst of it over with, so take full advantage. You'll feel much better for it.


The coroner in Los Angeles released my sister's body and we ended up holding the viewing on Monday, 8/18. The initial hour was set aside for immediate family, which I guess is the standard practice. This was an awkward time and the funeral home did not do the best job on my sister's makeup. She did not look like herself and more closely resembled a mannequin. I do not feel that the viewing helped me to obtain closure. It only made me uncomfortable and raised more questions. I am really thinking about setting up a green funeral for myself. My dad was drunk and had obviously been popping downers, so he acted a fool. He could not stay sober for 5 hours to support his wife! In fact, he spent more time introducing his boss and coworkers than he spent with my stepmother. When he drinks he ends up talking about money and powerful people he supposedly knows. In the end I told him to have some respect and that if having money would make me act like he was that I would prefer to be poor.

The viewing then opened to friends of the family for four hours. So many people attended that the crowd spilled into the hallway, which forced the funeral home's staff to route visitors from other viewings via a different route. I spent a great deal of time talking to people that I had not spoken with in years and tried to stay out of "the room" as much as possible. It's a shame that folks only seem to come out of the woodwork during funerals and weddings. I then began to wonder how and why we all failed to keep in touch for so many years. Four of my sister's friends ultimately traveled from Los Angeles to attend the funeral service, but one came for the viewing as well. She was somber like everyone else, but put her world on hold to come. I forget her name, but she is married to a pro baseball player I think. She was really a nice woman and I asked to keep in touch.

Since my sister was a model and an actress, most of her friends were in the same profession of course. All of her friends that attended the funeral, were smart, had college degrees and were obviously touched by my sister's loss. In short, they did not fit the stereotypical image of women in the entertainment industry. As expected, there were a lot of tears and questions about how something like this could happen. There is really no way to question God's will, so there was/is no answer. In the end, I decided that sometimes things do not make sense and that just has to suffice. No amount of soul searching will bring back my sister, so the how and why are really irrelevant.

The funeral was held on Tuesday, 8/19. I did end up delivering a short eulogy. Since I had no idea how to create a eulogy, I turned to the Internet for answers. I came across the eulogy that Bindi delivered for her father Steve Irwin, who was killed by a ray in Australia. Her eulogy lasted one minute and forty three seconds, but was recognized as the media moment of the year in Australia. Her short, concise eulogy centered around her father's love of animals and her love for him, which was all that needed to be said. I then remembered the Gettysburg Address, which was so short that Abraham Lincoln had finished delivering it before many realized he had started. I decided to deliver my eulogy in an impromptu manner and to keep it as short as possible. I wanted it to center around something about my sister that people would remember for the days, weeks and years to follow.

My eulogy consisted of the following. First, that when my sister and I first met we shared the unconditional love that most parents observe when kids meet on the playground. Money, color and status do not mean anything when young kids meet and it's as if they have known each other for years. That's the way my sister was with all of her friends. She did not act like a snob, though she could have, and would drop everything she was doing when someone needed her. Second, I asked the people that attended to tell my stepmother about how my sister had touched their life in a positive way. I then thanked everyone for being there during a difficult time. There was no name dropping, no list of accomplishments, I simply conveyed what my sister was like on a personal level.

The minister was great. At the graveside service he mentioned that most headstones have a dash between the birth and death dates. He went on to explain that the dash is important part. This is because the things we did during life are represented by that dash. That was powerful and helped me to put things into perspective. As long as we are breathing, we have the opportunity to change. As my sister's casket was lowered into the ground, I realized that she did not have that chance to change anymore.

I am still helping my stepmother and as much as she will allow. She has begun to show an interest in attending a grief support group, which I feel is a good place to start. I am still trying to talk my father into checking himself into rehab. I hope he does before his "dash" runs out.

Thanks again to everyone for your prayers and support for my family.
 
I'm too am sorry to hear about you losing your sister. I know and understand what you are going through.
One year ago today, we lost my brother-in-law. I was very close to him. We lived about 45 minutes away from each other and spent a lot of time together.
He was driving from San Diego to Tacoma, Wa. to be with his youngest daughter for the birth of his first grandchild. He had a car accident in Oregon and didn't make it!
I understand all the emotions and the stress. It's not something I would wish on my worst enemy.
We will remember you and your family in our prayers.
 
It's really good to hear that you're gaining some good perspective on this. You certainly have my best wishes as you and your family continue to deal with this. My prayers for your father, too. Alcoholism is a tough nut to crack, given how prominent alcohol is in our culture, but it's absolutely possible. Best of luck to you all.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top