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I got another two oil reports done, one ~500 miles after PCV replacement, and another ~2500 miles after that. Unfortunately, it looks like the problem remains. The low coolant light has not come back on but the level does seem to be going down ever so slightly. I'm going to drop it off at my...

Good point. I think I will do the PCV and send some more samples in, maybe sooner, while keeping a close eye on the coolant level.

Is it possible my vacuum syphon oil changes via the dipstick haven't been getting very small amounts of coolant getting in through a bad PCV valve over the course of 30k miles, as the coolant would settle at the very bottom? It seems like entire capacity is coming out when I change it, and...

It sure does, and I've read the seals can go b/w the engine and oil cooler. It's quite a job to get to it:

Thank you very much for the reply. Yes, the PCV I plan on replacing at the moment is the one at the rear of the engine, on top. Same as the one shown here: https://www.audiworld.com/forums/a8-s8-d4-platform-discussion-190/diy-4-2-pcv-replacement-2940878/ I will try your advice. Should those...

Good afternoon all. Looks like I got a pretty bad report for my first UOA. During this interval, the low coolant warning came up on the car twice. I topped it off both times and eventually had my mechanic replace a coolant union pipe behind the engine (a common point of failure on the 4.2 V8)...