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Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It...

How to Impress....... A Woman Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, dance with her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her...

Men vs Women NICKNAMES: If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. EATING OUT: When the bill...

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 --- A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the...

A man and woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman...

A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar." With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?" Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUAV_1jBJB4

Worth a look. http://news.yahoo.com/hawaii-astronomer-captures-image-forming-planet-230958310.html

A rancher needs a bull to service his cows but needs to borrow the money for it from the bank. The banker who lends the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won’t even look at the cows. The banker suggests that...

A lawyer boarded a Jetstar flight in Perth, with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen...

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

Purchased a STP filter at AZ, for $12.99 (ouch). Last week. Last Saturday, found an equivalent Purolator at AAP for $5.99. They are both for the new Dodge Journey engine. Wow! Hard to believe the price difference for basically the same filter. I know where to get the next one.

A big game hunter went on a safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One morning, while still deep in the jungle, the hunter's wife awakened to find her mother gone. She woke her husband, and they both set off in search of the old woman. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a...

Don't marry a beautiful woman. They may leave you. Of course, an ugly woman may leave you too. But who cares?

PARAPROSDOKIANS I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is urprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian. Ok...

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of...

I should have figured it out sooner. It's the shampoo I use in the shower. When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body. Printed very clearly on the shampoo label it reads, "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY." I am going to get rid of the shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish...

I lay naked in my bed as you ascend down onto me. As you bring your mouth to my skin, my body twitches slightly as you suck me in. My warm wet fluids are soon flowing into you. Once your appetite for me has been satisfied, you leave me, never saying a word. By morning, all that remains of you is...

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee." "I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are...